Are you struggling with overcoming codependency? We will discuss 6 proven and highly effective steps that will surely help you to cope with it and the question “How to overcome codependency” will no longer there.
Codependency can be defined as giving your best in relation without getting back what you deserve? People with codependency always consider relation as their first priority even if the relationship is one-sided. We see many people around us who are in one-sided relation, no matter if it is the relation of husband and wife, parents and child, sister or brother, or even relatives.
One side of the party struggles hard to keep the relation alive. It involves sacrificing your own time, your needs, and your wealth just for the sake of other’s happiness even though the opposite person isn’t contributing half of it. They always consider the wellbeing of their loved ones first, their thoughts and actions revolve around them.
“When we need that person to make us feel important, to make us feel that we matter” that’s codependence by Brian Jory, Ph.D., psychologist and author of Cupid on Trial.
Overcoming Codependency in Relationships
Codependency is the main cause of unhealthy and unbalanced relations. A person dealing with codependency becomes mentally ill. He always cares and concern about his partner and when he didn’t get back what he deserves he becomes emotionally sick.
Anxiety, depression and constant thoughts attack him. Codependency is a behavior in which you are dependent on others for your happiness, your worth, and your identity. A person who is codependent always feels pleasure by helping others and in this way he neglects his own happiness and self-worth. People always use such persons for their benefits.
Signs of Codependency
Common signs/Symptoms of codependency include:
- Low self-esteem
- Poor boundaries
- Sense of helping others
- Making other’s happiness our first priority
- Control issues
- Denying our own happiness and needs
- Tolerating unacceptable behavior
- You do everything your loved ones says to you
- Fearing being abandoned or alone
Codependency is usually caused by a lack of attention or ignoring one’s emotions and feelings. For example, when a child grows in a family where his parents don’t give him much attention and his opinions, thoughts, and feelings are neglected, it strongly affects his self-worth or self-esteem.
He loses all his confidence and believes that his needs and feelings are not that important. It is true that children always learn from their parents, so when a child isn’t getting proper support from the parents he’ll do the same in the future and the circle will continue.
Another main cause of codependency is an addiction to the person in a relationship. When you are addicted to a person, you do everything as they say. You take care of them even though they didn’t care about you. Some people even stay in an abusive relationship just to stay close to their loved ones.
A codependent person always remains sincere with his partner despite their behavior, he stands with his partner through all thick and thins. He puts aside his own needs and considers his partner’s needs first priority. But a codependent person always gets hurt when his partner doesn’t recognize his efforts. This all happens due to the fear of being abandoned or alone.
These are some of the questions to identify signs of codependency that will strongly help you in identifying it.
- Do you keep quiet to avoid arguments?
- Do you put the happiness of others as your first priority?
- Have you ever lived in an abusive relationship?
- Do you leave interest in your own life when you are with your loved ones?
- Are you denying your self-esteem and worth for others?
- Is it difficult for you to say no to your partner when they asked for help?
- Are you afraid of being abandoned and alone?
- Do you doubt your ability to be who you wanted to be?
- Do you feel humiliated or cheated?
- Is it difficult for you to ask for help?
- Is it difficult for you to be comfortable in your own skin?
How to Overcome Codependency?
We all come into contact with a person who needs other’s approval for every single matter. They think that what others think about them is more important than their own self-worth.
These types of people are called codependent. They always confuse themselves between love and codependency. For them, the happiness of their loved ones is first priority, and they consider it love. They help their loved ones with their problems no matter how much it would cost them.
If you are a codependent person you need to seek help to overcome the habit of codependency. Therapy is the best form to overcome codependency. The psychologist will help you speak your heart out. He will let you flow your emotions and feelings.
The therapist will shift your focus on the betterment of yourself instead of other people. You will consider your self-worth and self-esteem as your first priority. The psychologist will help you know that your happiness matters to you the most, it is you and only you who is going to be important for your own self at the end of the day.
If you want a healthy and reliable relation, you have to overcome this habit of codependency. Here are the following 6 steps to overcome codependency:
- Love yourself: the first step to overcome your codependency is self-love. It will help you know yourself better and explore what do you like or unlike, your own needs and your thoughts and feelings. When you know your self-worth, you come to realize that it is better to stay alone than giving your all in one-sided relation. You will eventually learn that happiness comes with one’s own self.
- Learn to say no: The second most important step is to learn to say no when it is necessary. When you always put other’s needs first before your own needs, then you get nothing in return. They take you granted and always use you for their benefit. Your happiness won’t matter to them at all. I know it becomes really hard to say ‘no’ to your loved ones, but it is necessary. You don’t have to give much in a relationship that is based on a one-sided mentality. In short, you have to become a little selfish.
- Learn from your past: The most effective way to overcome codependency is to learn from your past mistakes. It will help you to be the better version of yourself. You will come to know what is your worth in a relationship, how much you are giving in a relationship, and getting back in return.
- Develop new hobbies: developing new hobbies will help you know that you can enjoy yourself even without other people. These are the activities that will help you consider the fact that being alone isn’t your biggest fear. You can still engage yourself into better things than to be in a selfish one-sided relation. The most interesting thing is that you will learn new skills e.g. reading new books will help you gain more knowledge.
- Be independent: Don’t make yourself dependent on others for your happiness. Their opinions about you shouldn’t bother you at all. You are the owner of your own personality, don’t let other people drag you down. When you stop being a dependent person, you become a strong person, and then, whatever happens, your self will be your first priority.
- Face your fears: If you stay in an abusive relationship just because you fear being abandoned or alone, then it’s time to face your fear. Know that being alone doesn’t mean you are a coward person who can’t maintain a healthy relationship. Let others know that you are important too.
How to Overcome Codependency Quotes:
- “There are two questions a man must ask himself: The first is ‘Where am I going?’ and the second is ‘Who will go with me?’ If you ever get these questions in the wrong order you are in trouble.”
― Sam Keen, Fire in the Belly: On Being a Man
- “Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves even when we risk disappointing others.” – Brene Brown
- “Never allow yourself to be someone’s priority while allowing yourself to be their option.” Mark Twain
- “If you live your life to please everyone else, you will continue to feel frustrated and powerless. This is because what others want may not be good for you. You are not being mean when you say NO to unreasonable demands or when you express your ideas, feelings, and opinions, even if they differ from those of others.” ― Beverly Engel,
- “Everything happens because there was a lesson you needed to learn. Move on from the messenger they were not the lesson. Find the lesson and you will never repeat it again.” ― Tracy A Malone
- Allowing others to suffer the consequences of their own actions, without enabling them, is the best motivation for them to undertake the difficult task of change.” ― Darlene Lancer
- “When you say ‘Yes’ to others make sure you are not saying ‘No’ to yourself.” —Paulo Cohelo
- “Love yourself enough to set boundaries. Your time and energy are precious. You get to choose how you use it. You teach people how to treat you by deciding what you will and won’t accept.” – Anna Taylor
- “Self-care is how you take your power back.” ― Lalah Delia
- “Everyone has fears, it is the bravery of heart that triumphs over all fears.” ― Tracy A Malone
In the end, everything is up to one’s own, you can choose to be dependent and not to be. Life is a one time chance to prove yourself, live your self, and being yourself, don’t waste in being dependent on others.
If you need to talk anything, please leave a comment below, we at being optimistic are always here to listen and talk!
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