In any Apologize, the listener is usually willing to accept it if he believes that excuse is sincere. The problem is how we determined whether someone is sincere or not. It has all to do with how you were taught to apologize. Admitting when you are wrong is hard, but I always do it when I think I’m wrong. It is that the way I apologize is not received as sincere.
I am working to improve with apologies and what I’ve learned so far. Having arbitrated family conflicts for many years, it occurred to me that boy and girl view excuses very differently. And as simple as it may seem, these different views on excuses have significantly damaged many weddings.
In short, most men do not know how to apologize. In intimate relationships, effective excuses can quickly heal an accidental injury. Similarly, ineffective excuses — or the complete failure of excuses — can cause an unintentional injury to be experienced as a major injury in the relationship.
How to apologize to a girl you love?
For women, apologizing is a way to reconnect with someone whose feelings you have hurt, even inadvertently. When a girl receives comments that something she did or failed to do left another feeling of offense or injury, she is usually quick to apologize. A break in the relationship is avoided and the relationship continues undisturbed. Neither the woman who offers nor the girl who receives the apology considers her unusual, but rather as a routine aspect of relationships.
For men, the excuses are very different. Men tend to view excuses as humiliating and a loss of face. Gender communication experts have observed that for men, verbal communication is related to their concern for how their status is perceived by others. Men are more aware of the impact of what they say on how others perceive their position of power or lack of power. Thus, for a man to acknowledge that he has done something wrong, often means that he feels diminished in the eyes of those who hear the excuses.
Thus, a girl apologizes for maintaining healthy relationships and does not feel any sense of loss. But when a boy apologizes, he feels a sense of loss, even humiliation. The result of this difference is that men are reluctant to apologize and, in many cases, do not know how to make a sincere apology.
It is this lack of knowledge that I am trying to address here. Most of the women in couples I see for divorce mediation complain that their marriages suffer from a terminal lack of privacy. Women report that their husbands are unable or unwilling to respond to their feelings. They say their husband’s tendency to obstruct when they are presented with a complaint leaves them feeling disconnected and alienated from him.
It seems that in most modern marriages, the woman is angry with her partner more often than not. Girls always express their anger at their husband’s commission sins as well as the sins of omission. And the most common sin of omission is his inability to apologize when he has offended. So here are some key points for men on how to apologize.
How to apologize to a girl you broke her heart?
Some key elements tell you how to apologize to your girl. So read carefully, I am sure these will help you if you want to apologize to your girl.
- Express Your Remorse
An expression of remorse and regret is how you demonstrate your ability to feel an appropriate response to their hurt feelings. So you say, “I was wrong. I’m sorry I hurt your feelings, and I feel terrible that I did something that hurt you. (This will help you here if you look remorseful.)
2. Acknowledge That You Hurt Her Feelings:
Understand that your wrongdoing hurt his feelings and made him feel disconnected from you. You can’t reconnect without taking care of the room of feelings. So you say, “I was wrong and I’m sorry I hurt your feelings.” Again, you can’t get away with running away and saying, “I’m sorry your feelings are hurt.” You must relate your wrongful act to her wounded feelings.
3. Acknowledge The Wrongful Act
You have to start by saying, “I was wrong and I’m sorry.” There is no substitute for this admission. If you say something stupid like, “I’m sorry you thought I was wrong,” you might as well spare yourself and not bother. There is no circumvention. You were wrong, so plead guilty and go ahead.
4. Offer To Make Amend
If you don’t know what might help you, ask him. “What can I do to catch up with you?” The particular act of contrition can be negotiated, but the important thing is to express your willingness to do something to compensate for it. Of course, once you commit to doing something, you need to do it, lest you make all the effort useless.
5. Indicate Your Attentions Not To Repeat It
This can be difficult — especially if you are a repeat offender — but it is an expression of your recognition of your need for reform. “I know sometimes I am heartless to what you need, but I’m going to do my best not to do it again.” If you smile at this point, you will have to go back and start all of the things over again.
6. Asking For Forgiveness
Asking for forgiveness is an act that frees the forgiver from anger – so asking for forgiveness is not as self-serving as you might think. A simple “will you forgive me?” will normally be enough, but if you want to avoid appearing arrogant, or if your act was particularly nasty, you may first want to ask, “Can you please forgive me?”
7. Expressing Regret
This language appeals to emotions. It represents that we know that we are the cause of pain. “I am sorry I spoke harshly. I know I have hurt your feelings and I am so sorry for that. I hope you understand my feelings right now as I feel so regretful.”
8. Accepting Responsibility
This language spells out what was wrong. “I was wrong to speak to you in that tone. I should not have reacted like that. I’ll be careful for the next time.”
9. Making Restitution
Making restitution is all about how to make up. Normally the request falls in line with that person’s love language. “I cannot believe I reacted that way. Please tell me what I can do to make it up and to make you feel happy.”
One of these apology languages (Points) will resonate most strongly with you. For me, it is to express regrets. And probably, another one will resonate more strongly with your spouse. Now we learn to apologize in each other’s languages, as well as to extend grace by accepting excuses that did not come out in our favorite language.
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Something else I try to practice is to Never say “I am sorry… but” even if there was a wrong act on the other side. The “but” nullifies the whole apology. It’s an attempt to excuse your bad behavior based on their bad behavior. It takes strength, power, and humility but you always have a choice over your actions. Be responsible for owning p on your end.
As you get better, you’ll feel more comfortable creating your sequence for these elements and adding embellishments that give it your imprint of individuality. Remember this simple skill, and you will find your domestic life ever more peaceful.